With God All Things Are Possible!

It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed , because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

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Coming out of hiding!

Posted by mamato2 on July 19, 2011 at 11:40 PM

  Yep, when I struggle I hide from my own web page.  I feel ashamed and scared and I want to inspire people not disappoint them, so I hide.  This time has been months.  I wanted to get back into a great row of losses and then update how I was out of the woods and in control.  That is not to be right now.

  What I can update is that I have not given up.  I have gained to the tune of 20 pounds, but I am still fighting.  I am hoping it will come off fast as a lot is water I think, but even if it comes off slow I am still here.  I have not raised the white flag.

  I thought hitting lifetime would be hard.  Everyone warned me.  I saw friends hit and gain.  I knew what my chances were.  All I could do was hope my training for 2 years in working the program would help me.  It has helped me, just not in the way I thought it might.  It has helped me in the way that even though I am coming off a huge dark time in my life, and even though hitting my goal has left me feeling like I am grasping for some answers, and even though I am stumbling and I am gaining then losing then gaining then losing, I AM HERE!  I am here and I am fighting the good (sometimes ugly) fight.  I am facing my gains, dealing with them and trying again.  I AM HERE!

  I know this is a the rest of my life battle.  I didn't sign up to lose a few pounds to look good in a bikini.  I signed up to stay alive.  I signed up to not hurt.  I signed up to walk into Walmart with out being out of breath.  There is a learning curve as I adjust to what I will and won't do as a forever habit.  There is coming to accept a body that is not what I hoped it would be when I was done.  There is learning that others who find it hard to believe I am done losing just don't matter.  There is coming to terms with the fact that my life may consist of losing this 20 pounds again just to gain it when I stumble, just to lose it again.  That may be the life I am destined to have.  Maybe not, maybe I will get it together and lose a bunch more.  Who knows?  If I stay where I am right now I am still over 100 pounds lighter and better off.

  So while this is not the post I wished to be making about how I hit lifetime and am out living the good life and staying on program with ease, this is the post saying I am starting new every morning, I am not givnging up and I believe that every little change I learned is going to have equipped me to take each of the battles in the lifetime war as they come and to get back up again!

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